sober

until june 29th. surprised my drunken actions didn't ruin a lot more relationships this weekend.

untitled.

feel like we all have a different side of your story. just be yourself.

didn't think my heart would beat that hard to see your car at the bowling alley last night, glad i left before going inside.

Dear Self,

Slow down.

peep show booth.

So the floodgates open but nothing comes out
I'm feeling no relief in my head, just doubt
But my heart keeps telling me 'hold your ground
You'll never learn a thing if you bail out now'

You'd never miss a thing but you missed me there
And I just kept thinking Am I prepared?

hurt.

you were my best friend. just because you couldnt tell me how you felt, i can't see you anymore?

Your horoscope for April 26, 2009
Bring things down to earth today, Patricia. Get yourself grounded and enjoy the day. You will find that the more you slow down and adopt a caring, sensitive, receptive attitude, the more things will naturally flow your way. Now is not a day to fight. It is a time to connect with others on a symbiotic level. Nurture yourself and others. Get a massage and snuggle up close to those you love.

massage, check.
snuggle, check.







:)

impetuous.

seen you everyday since we met, you were the last thing i expected to be a part of my life.

pace.

I am so happy it's disgusting.

nettims nettik

really glad what happened, happened.

olfactory.

Jergens cherry-almond scent is reminding me of my Dad.

Dear Tricia,

Jealousy is unflattering.

Love, Yourself.

detached.

And her eyes grew wider than they'd ever been, just wishing the numbness would cut deeper with its pins.

just want to feel something real.

clutter.

and burried under all my thoughts in the deepest crevice in the far corner of my brain collecting dust, is your memory, your face. all day i could just scream, repeating the two words, get out.

when i'm with people, i annoy myself.

when i'm all alone, i annoy myself.

when i drink i annoy myself,

when i am sober i annoy myself.

pushing the edit button on myself soon.

vintage love

pretty sure that wanting or needing answers to all of lifes questions, is the same as wanting or needing world peace. from now on im just going to keep inhaling and exhaling and learn as i go.

i want a vintage love. i want an old fashioned romance. i want a classic this time. i want a tiny flower in soil inside of a ring case- instead of the real thing, and i want you to understand what im trying to say.

today i have an overwhelming feeling of anxiety revolving around the fact that i spend little to no time outdoors these days.

selflessness-

Having, exhibiting, or motivated by no concern for oneself; unselfish.

And there is absolutely no way that i can wrap my brain around this, and not think perfection.

If i could live the rest of my life without not only speaking, but also have the words "what if" or "i wish" cross anywhere near my mind, although boring, life would be much easier.


I think it might be a little bit extraordinary that I can realize how much more self destructive I was with you, than now that I am without.

unbeknownst

to you, i wouldn't be this steadfast person living in my mundane routine.
to you, i wouldn't be near as strong, calm, or happy.
to you, i wouldn't smile.


and it's reaching
but i probably wouldn't wake up,


or want to.

anticipation

HOROSCOPE: 4/15/09

Arguments that arise today could quickly turn into declarations of war. Things could get blown way out of proportion if they are not handled with special care, Patricia. The key lesson for you to learn is balance and communication with others. Things will be moving fast and furiously, so make sure you have your seat belt securely fastened. Let you vivacious spirit lead the way to new forms of adventure.

so horoscopes are horrifying, and now i will spend the rest of my day avoiding whatever fight or war i am predicted to be involved in.

honestly

who cares? who fucking cares?




notme atall.

realism.

and believe me it's not that i don't appreciate the music, but i honestly feel that i live through the lyrics.

cut me so i fit.

i dont know. is life really as rough as we make it out to be? we are so lucky in this life, and we sometimes search for problems to talk about. maybe it's just me, probably.


i sometimes think that doubt takes over me,
and there is no proof you can give me to not have a brain and body full of doubt.
and i mean, complete and utter doubt.
nothings real.
and only because i second guess every aspect of my life.
i just want to be myself.

nightminds

just deleted all my daily intake posts.
trying to remember a laundry list of problems doesn't make me interesting.